food / gossip

The More You Know: Sexy Breakfasts and Creepy Advances in Nanotechnology

 

  • A couple of months ago, I mentioned the fantastic invention of brogurt, the yogurt for men only. It’s like a treehouse in a little cup, filled with testosterone boosting whatevers and signs that say “no girls allowed!” in bold letters. In fact, if a woman were to eat one of the manly 8-ounce packages of brogurt, chest hair would spontaneously sprout up and we’d have a new Gaston on our hands. As if the food industry could sense the injustice of gender-delineated breakfast foods, Kaiser, a company based in Canada, came up with a solution that would make everyone happy: more gender-based food. Straight out of Canada, like Celine Dion and Justin Bieber, comes Sexcereal. Sexcereal is the breakfast of champions that will increase libido and desire just in time for a naughty nooner, despite aphrodisiacs being a marketing fraud (unless you count the human horn). My question is: what would happen if the mansexycereal was eaten by the ladysexycereal? This sounds like an Owen Wilson movie waiting to happen.

 

  • Related: Cracker Jacks are now EXTREME!!!

 

  • My boyfriend is looking for an apartment. I should send him this tumblr to make him feel better about his options.

 

  • The Minnesota Vikings released the plans for their new, nearly billion-dollar stadium that will be smack dab in the middle of downtown Minneapolis. “The skyline’s newest addition will be asymmetrical and almost diamond-like in shape, featuring sharp angles and a roof line that rises to a peak on the downtown end, which doubles as the building’s grand entryway. From the side, that end juts out, resembling the prow of a ship or a jagged iceberg.” Somewhere, Ragnar is adding another tattoo to his head in pride.

 

  • Computers are getting smaller and smaller, like the clothing worn at the middle school across the street as the days get warmer. How small is small? One cubic millimeter, which is roughly the size of a grain of sand. This is simultaneously super interesting and absolutely terrifying. Interesting, because technology is advancing so quickly that I feel like I’m in a science fiction novel and we’re all going to be tooling around in flying cars before I die. Terrifying, because technology is advancing so quickly that I feel like I’m in a dystopian science fictioin novel and OH MY GOD WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE KILLED BY SUPER NANOBOTS.

 

  • As I Lay Dying is not a film I’m going to see. Sorry James Franco, it’s not you, it’s William Faulkner.

 

  • Leave it to a Floridian woman to accidently shoot her friend’s leg while waiting for her Venti Double Frappa-Choco-Latte in Starbucks after her purse fell on the ground and the gun she forgot about went off. If only her friend’s leg had a gun to shoot back with, that would get rid of the gun control problem in America.

 

  • Follow up: Benetton, one of the retailers with garments being sewn in the Bangladesh factory that collapsed last month, has signed a pact aimed towards keeping factories and the workers inside safe, as well as expanding the workers’ rights. Luckily, they’re not the only retailer that signed on –PVH (Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger’s parent company) and Inditex (H&M, C&A, and Zara) are also on board. Now, we can only hope that some other massive retailers join the very positive trend of not killing your underpaid workers (cough cough Walmart, Gap).
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One thought on “The More You Know: Sexy Breakfasts and Creepy Advances in Nanotechnology

  1. Oh I am laughing so hard. I’m glad you found a way to mention Ragnar. I’m forwarding this to my husband. A. He’s from Minneapolis. B. His patients will be all over this brogurt!

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