The More You Know: You Get Away With Everything When You’re Rich

  • Justin Bieber is being charged with assault of a neighbor. Who does he live next to? Moby?
  • An active NFL player might come out of the public closet. Apparently this is a big deal, because it’s a very heterosexual manly man man macho sport that no homosexualz have ever11!!! been a part of, even though it doesn’t make any freakin’ difference what team you play for behind-the-scenes as long as you’re a solid player who doesn’t play for the Cowboys or Patriots does his job. I hope that he does come out, though, because maybe it will lead to a more understanding mass media and a huge progression for gay rights.
  • Onesies are still the worst.


  • Oscar Pistorius’ travel ban was lifted as the courts saw no reason to punish him or “be forbidden to leave South Africa if invited to compete overseas,” because confusing celebrity with goodness and purity is a mistake we all make. Good to know that we’re getting another Ray Lewis at the expense of someone’s life.
  • 98 Degrees released their first new song and I listened to it so you don’t have to. You won’t want to, even if the frequent penis metaphors will amusedly remind you of the penis metaphors from middle school that you didn’t even know were penis metaphors until high school. It’s awful. That said, it’s unbelievably catchy. Listen to it here, you masochist.
  • Rick Ross has solidified himself as a creepy scumbag as he endorses date rape in his latest song.

Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it /

I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.



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