gossip / sports

The More You Know: DIY Beauty Routines, A Yogurt For Men, and the Hopeful Return of Quality Television Programming

  • Have you ever wanted to be a Jedi? Sorry, stupid question. Here’s a bit of technology that will get you closer to achieving your dreams, because wishing on stars and blowing out candles sure as hell ain’t doin’ it.
  • Scarlet Johansson is putting her acting on hiatus to pursue a singing career and is compiling an all-girl group called, wait for it, the One and Only Singles. Promised to be Go-Go-esque, and I’m sure it won’t end a huge embarrassment that she will wish she could erase from her past as a massive misstep. So sure.
  • Some vague study has come out to say that celebrities and models are starting to move less merchandise. Why? Well, they’re airbrushed to perfection and ridiculously untouchable. You might wonder how us normies react and the answer is obvious. With hatred, “this is because a pretty model triggers a coping mechanism in women – scorn – which helps them feel better about their own looks.” Six foot, size extra small, photoshopped models aren’t realistic representations of reality and, in fact, ostracize the audience? Shocking.
  • Man, these DIY beauty tutorials are great. Next time my hair needs a volume boost I’ll remember to spritz it with some uncarbonated beer, because smelling like you fell asleep at a frat house is so worth that last boost.
  • To get a bikini bod I need to give up carbs after 3pm? HA. I’d rather get a one-piece and cut out that bullshit scam to stop eating deliciousness. For all we know, this ~celebrity trainer~ is trying to tell us to stop eating carbohydrates so he can have them all to himself. I’m onto you.
  • The cast of the Hunger Games smokes weed and it’s totally shocking, but I guess they needed to get their appetite somewhere.
  • I love yogurt. My mom loves yogurt. We have a very yogurt-friendly household, which, with its deliciousness and dietary benefits, is a no-brainer. That said, with the pale palette of Easter egg hues that yogurt tends to come in, I can see where it would seem effeminate, girlish, and make even the mightiest of men wuss up. “Strawberry banana? Pop tops for breast cancer? Fuck you and all you stand for! This yogurt is for chicks!” That’s why there needs to be a product that comes in a manly 8-ounce package and yells in EMBOLDENED ALL CAPS that it is more macho than Randy Savage. Never fear! Brogurt is here! (I wish this was a joke.)

 

  • If you have internet access and any taste, you probably know that Whose Line Is It Anyway? is coming back, hosted by the badass Aisha Tyler. I needed to tell you so that I could express my excitement in a series of all-caps in a semi-coherent statement of glee. Ready? YESSS HOLY CRAP YES FINALLY I AM SO GLAD THAT THIS IS HAPPENING WHY DID THEY WAIT SO LONG AND COLIN AND RYAN AND (SOMETIMES) WAYNE WILL BE BACK AND I REALLY HOPE THEY HAVE A COLBERT CAMEO AND I’M SO EXCITED! Man, glad I got that out of my system.
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3 thoughts on “The More You Know: DIY Beauty Routines, A Yogurt For Men, and the Hopeful Return of Quality Television Programming

  1. I hope use Aisha’s “Yuuups” and “Noooopes” to keep score during the new Whose Line. Colin and Ryan are ’bout to rack up so many “Yuuuppps.”

  2. Pingback: The More You Know: Sexy Breakfasts and Creepy Advances in Nanotechnology | hot diggity daffodil!

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