Living in the Pacific Northwest, I am used to wet weather. Oregon is slate grey and rainy for at least eight months out of the year, and it can get miserable, as well as seriously stint the time that you can wear cute shoes. This is why rain boots, with their classic shape and practicality, are so popular—and lemme tell ya’, if I didn’t have my beloved rain boots, I would have been stuck with wet feet on more days than I could count. The only way to feel worse about constantly rainy weather is to feel the soggy dampness in your socks for the entire day, and I’m so comfortable with saying that it’s one of my least favorite feelings, up there with my foot falling asleep and my eyelid twitching for no reason. My Hunter boots keep me happy, dry and contented. They’re so perfect for tromping around trails and city centers alike, and it’s so awesome, especially because you can get them in the weirdest/most questionable patterns and people won’t write it off as ugly, but quirky and fun—there is so much leeway for customization that they’re a fabulous must-have.
That said, Oregon is also filled with really painful, questionable fashion, which is why this edition of Trends I’m Sick Of will focus on only one godforsaken trend:
- Non-boot Rain Boots (ready your barfbags)
First, we’ll take a look at the boot-like-but-not-quite abominations that are floating around, you know, so we can ease into the full blown fug. The first stop? Cowboy rain boots. This one is first on the list because they’re mostly the rain boots that I know and accept; they keep out the rain, have traction, come in every pattern you could ever want and look like you could happily tromp around mud in them (which, let’s be real, is so liberating), they just are…well…
They look like John Wayne got lost in the Elton John section of Party City and never made it out. This, even if it sounds fun, does not look good and you should find other things to blow $62 dollars on that won’t hurt the souls of others.
Next, we have puffy jacket rain
boot sneakers, and if you need me to explain why these sound horrible, then I have no time for you and you should leave my blog now.
These aren’t even trying to look like boots, they’re too busy trying to look like the illegitimate child of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and an embarrassing Rick Ross endorsement deal.
When you stop trying to destroy your eardrums with the closest long, thin, cylindrical object, we’ll continue. Ready? Cool. We’re going to need some cool for these super neato, totally punk, and definitely not a ripoff of Converse Walmart-brand Converse rain sneakers.
You know, for when you want to feel like a waterlogged Avril Lavigne.
Lastly, we have heeled rain boots, because it’s so smart to take something that is supposed to stop faceplants on a rain-slicked ground, take away the traction and add a 4 inch heel. I guess practical is boring for some people, so they feel the urge to mutate it into something so grotesque that people will be shocked into thinking that it’s a cute fashion statement. Well, you know what?
No. I understand that fashion is frivolous and ridiculous on the best of days, but this is absolutely out of line tacky. There is only one brand to blame for inspiring this atrocity. Chanel.