the musings of the boyfriend

Halloween 2013: Professor Farnsworth Bentley

Good news everyone! It isn’t too early to start planning your costume for Halloween 2013! Now, some of you may think this is absurd. Perhaps you prioritize things such as a “job” or a “family” over planning a one-night outfit nine months in advance. However, the greatest plague our society faces is procrastination and it’s time that we, as Americans/Canadians (they celebrate Halloween in Canada, right?), start acting more responsible.

Today we’ll be discussing a unique costume idea: Professor Farnsworth Bentley. I love the idea of combinations, whether it’s lemon-lime flavoring, celebrity couple portmanteaus, or those delicious Combos snacks. Some may whine that such an idea, when applied to costumes, constitutes an inexcusable genre-mixing alert. I say, on the other hand, that people who believe that are wrong and likely to spend the rest of their lives alone because they’re unwilling to combine themselves with another person.

The best part of the Professor Farnsworth Bentley costume is how easy and cheap it is to construct. The first components concern imitating Professor Farnsworth, the lovable and brilliantly absent-minded scientist from Hot Diggity Daffodil’s favorite show: Futurama.

What’s there not to like?

All you need are some green slippers (available for, like, $5 at Goodwill) and a lab coat (available for free if you go into a hospital and rob and/or seduce a doctor). Wasn’t that easy? For extra realism, you can always sport a bald-cap and some thick Coke-bottle glasses, but those accoutrements are optional.

Nude also works.

The second half of the costume involves imitating the fashion of Kanye and Diddy’s former boy-toy random music video dude Fonzworth Bentley. Remember him? He always had those umbrellas? No? That’s okay, nobody else remembers him either (except people who for some reason have every season of G’s to Gents on Blue-ray). This ensures your costume will have that highly desired “obscure” quality. After all, the best part of Halloween is snottily letting strangers know they aren’t cultured enough to “get” your outfit.

For the perfect Fonzworth ensemble, you need a garishly patterned shirt, a loud bow tie, and an umbrella. That’s it. If you want to throw on a sweater vest and some argyle socks, that’s a bonus. Imagine a less stylish Andre 3000 and you basically have the idea.

Follow these rules and you’ll get all the ladies.

Start planning your costumes now, people. The Great Pumpkin will thank you and bring you oodles of candy corn come October 31st.


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