I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 20 years old. Leading up to that first relationship, I was crippled by poor self-esteem and an inability to walk with my head held high—something happened leading up to me going to Germany, perhaps an opportunity to reinvent myself and a willingness to experience new things (I’m usually a huge coward. Courage the Cowardly Dog was actually based upon my mental state), and I found myself in a relationship with a Mediterranean. It was a very flawed relationship and only lasted for three months, but it was experience and gave me more confidence to find a man that would treat me better and lead to a liaison that was healthier and happier. Hooray, hooray, it has seemed to have worked!
This isn’t an entry about my fortune or the BF. My point is, during those 20 years, I learned about all shades of loneliness, my self-image issues were compounded and compressed into a diamond of single-status-induced sadness. Being single can really suck and take a toll on how you feel about yourself. Prolonged singleness? Good Lord, roll out the red carpet to the convent, at least I’d have a reason for my singleness, you know?
I think good relationships are partially luck and partially about both parties being ready for a healthy relationship, which is why Making Mr. Right, the latest matchmaker show produced by Vh1, is a steaming crock of shit.
Making Mr. Right centers around April Beyer, a matchmaker of 15 years, helping three “hopelessly single” women to fool 14 dudes into thinking they’ve signed up to find their perfect mate in a show called Match Me If You Can, while posing as matchmakers themselves. The girls sit behind the scenes, spy on the guys, pick their favorites and start preening them into their ideal man—of course, without blowing their cover as three lonely ladies.
‘Making Mr. Right’ is a real life romantic comedy, the ultimate show-within-a-show detailing the process to find a perfect match. The series allows women the opportunity to get inside a man’s mind and see what he is willing to do to make a relationship work. It empowers women and men alike, to grow as a person and as a partner.
I know getting mad at Vh1 for setting poor standards is like getting mad at a dog for eating questionable things, but really? Get ready ladies and gents, because I’m about to hardcore bitch about the entire concept of this show that has yet to premier.
1. True Love Does Not Come From Reality TV
Let’s look at reality TVs past romances for a second… The Bachelor and the Bachelorette have had so many failures in their combined 26 seasons that calling it scripted is actually more comforting than calling what they show and promote “love.” Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire taught us that background checks aren’t dating-show mandatory and if you’re rich enough, that pesky domestic violence charge will be ignored. Tila Tequila’s race for who wants an STI was a bisexual terror (A Shot of Love). And…of course, this list would not be complete without Vh1’s menagerie of Deelishis-ly (Flava would be so proud) trashy TV, none of which have produced relationships that have worked (Megan Wants a Millionaire—one season, Real Chance at Love—two seasons, My Antonio—one season, Flavor of Love—three seasons, Daisy of Love—one season, Rock of Love—three seasons, For the Love of Ray J—two seasons, I Love New York—two seasons; that’s 0-15, if you’re keeping count. Even the Jacksonville Jaguars are doing better than that).
2. A Relationship Will Not Work If It’s Based On A Lie
Let me set up a theoretical situation.
PERSON A: Hey, you’re pretty great. I think I really, really love you.
PERSON B: That’s great! I think I love you, too.
PERSON A: Really!? That’s wonderful! You just seem…so perfect, like, like you’re made just for me.
PERSON B: Ha-ha. I’m so glad you’ve accepted me. You make me feel whole. Complete. I think this is the start of a really fantastic relationship, but before we say our vows or whatever, I have a confession.
PERSON A: ….uh?
PERSON B: Well…I know you’ve always really thought that my trust fund would be able to support your trip around Europe and our totally flawless future together, and that I had a kickass job, and that I had no children, and that I totally had no crazy exes that probably want to kill you, or a drug problem, or you know, actually be someone completely different than I actually am, but, uhm, I actually am all of those things.
PERSON A: Wait, so you really aren’t PERSON B?
PERSON B: I’m sorry, but no. I’m broke, unemployed, have three kids, like to date ex-cons, go through more Oxy than a hospital, and my name is actually PERSON C. BUT I TOTALLY LOVE YOU.
PERSON A: So, you’re not the person I fell in love with.
PERSON C: THAT’S NOT TRUE! Despite all of those things, I’m totally who I said I was and have been myself the whole time!
Think about being in this kind of situation. If you fell in love with someone and then realized that all of your affection was really directed to the idea of that someone, only to realize was a completely contrived lie, how would you feel? Pretty shitty, I’d think. Relationships will never, ever work if they’re based on lies. I don’t know the three girls who are lonely, but someone needs to sit them down and ask them if they’ve ever been lied to by the men who have scorned them (the answer will be yes), and ask them how they think the men they’re about to take advantage of will feel when they realize that their “matchmakers” are actually lonely women looking for the perfect man, the perfect bone and LUCKY YOU, CONTESTANT #7, you’re the guy I WANT.
What a freaking joke. Just embrace what reality TV is all about and stop pretending that you are in it for true love, because if you have more than a single-digit IQ, it’s intrinsic knowledge that money doesn’t grow on trees and lies won’t lead to a healthy relationship.
That’s the only way I can phrase this last point I’m making. The entire concept of this show revolves around not finding Mr. Perfect, it’s about finding a hot guy and changing him until he’s ~perfect~ for the women and their probably insane expectations. Seriously. What really gets me is that the official summary for the show as provided from Vh1 says that this show is all about learning how much men will change themselves for the three ladies “and see what he is willing to do to make a relationship work.” Nothing about the teamwork and collaborative process towards a healthy relationship.Nothing about the shady as fuck process of having the entire thing is based on a lie (but it’s all about how he’ll change for me! I’m special!). Nothing about how absolutely soulcrushing it is that people refuse to be open minded towards a person and instead have a fantastical list of expectations that will never fully be met.
Sometimes, a person is just not for you. That’s fine. That’s expected. There have been a ton of guys I’ve met that I’ve had no attraction to, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there for you. You move on. If you’re THAT person who is like “he’s just perfect for me! Except for his friends and his taste in music and oh my god he loves football and I hate it so he BETTER STOP watching it and he laughs at the stupidest things and well, I don’t have to worry because he’ll change for me.” Well….
STOP. Just stop. If you’ve been single for years, consider yourself a queen of dating because of your inability to count how many times you’ve been wined, dined and disappointed, or just don’t put yourself out there, chances are…you’re not ready for a relationship or don’t want one somewhere deep down inside. People who think finding love is finding someone they’re sexually attracted to and just changing who they are until they work for them, don’t actually know what love is. The. End.