I am an unabashed Boy Meets World fan. By unabashed, I mean I will furiously debate people (and their descendents. I’ll haunt bloodlines!) who dislike the show. If that seems a tad overzealous, that’s because it is. I would say my knowledge and depth of that show rivals what P. Bateman knows about Genesis. That said, the fact I haven’t been consulted about the Girl Meets World reboot is a travesty and a crime.
Since I don’t have the credentials to go pitch ideas to the creators directly, I’ve decided the next-best person/mythical-being to call on is Santa: the most well connected person on Earth. St. Nick, can you please make these ideas happen? My wishes include…
1) Stuart Minkus as a main character. He deserves it. That kid was absolutely shafted on the first go-around. Bringing him back when Cory graduated high school to let them know he was just “on the other side of the school” was a disservice and a disgrace. Make him one of the teachers in GMW, or a creepy next-door neighbor who has a Very Special Episode about him (like that episode of Smart Guy when T.J and his friend buy pirated computer games from a pedophile).
2) Speaking of Smart Guy (the 2nd best Disney show of all time, by the way), Girl Meets World should have a Smart Gal crossover episode. Or, better yet, make the whole show a crossover. We all know they used the same set for Piedmont and John Adams anyway.
3) Speaking of John Adams…yeah, everyone wants Mr. Feeny back. Duh. That’s the obvious newb fan request. I think a better use of William Daniels’ talents would be to bring him on for a three-episode story arch where he plays a drunken homeless reiteration of his John Adams character from the musical 1776.
4) You know the episode where the Cory and his friends go to Hollywood and meet the “TV” versions of themselves on a show called Kid Gets Acquainted With Universe? Scrap the Girl Meets World title and make the new show and actual version of the fake show Kid Acquainted With Universe. That’s some deep, mind-fuck material right there.
5) Frankie Stechino. Frankie goddamn Stechino.
6) You can change the lyric from “boy” to “girl,” but do not allow the theme song to be changed. That shit was perfection. Krampus should bring wrath upon any producer who wants to alter the original.
7) Philadelphia still better be rep’d to some extent. Allow Young Chris and Freeway to make cameo appearances. Make the kids rabid Michael Vick fans. I don’t know! Just don’t forget the 215!
8) At least one appearance for the über creepy Mr. Mack. Tangent: when I was a kid, I was traumatized by the kidnapping scene in An American Tail. Being abducted was one of my greatest fears. Consequently, the idea of being brainwashed into joining a cult was always, like, an underlying tertiary fear that was brought to the surface by Mr. Mack. He needs to be back. You can call the episode “Return of the Mack” and give Mark Morrison and walk-on spot (if he isn’t too busy, that is).
9) Hawaiian shirts. The coolest kid in school has to be wearing Hawaiian shirts like Shawn did. Trust me, someone will be inspired and the world/Hawaiian shirt industry will be better for it.