I love fashion. I think it is really fun and a fantastic way to express yourself, assuming that you realize how vapid the world behind the silk poet shirts is. You also need to accept that there is probably a lot of drug usage going on behind those pretty pictures, because sometimes it becomes super, super apparent that no one in their right mind would ever, ever wear what they’re trying to sell, except for try-hard debutants who are using their multiple trust funds for evil and 3k shoes. But, it’s fashion, it doesn’t have to make sense, which is part of the reason people love it so much. Frivolous consumption leads to an elevated status, even if you are walking down the street in a skinned version of Grimace.
That said, because most magazines assume that the people reading them can afford those 3k shoes, which are probably so, so uncomfortable, I’ve decided to start a new series on how to make magazine looks affordable to the common peon. Hey, we can dress just as impractically! Hey, some people have budgets!
Let’s take Natalia Chabanenko in Black #17
The always lovely Natalia Chabanenko fought some space wars and won, and since we’re all jealous of the swag, let’s get to work so we can have this look for ourselves!
First, we’re going to need a base layer. Something that has so much pattern that the common human mind won’t know where to even start.
You look at yourself in the mirror and frown. Natalia has so much more going on. By comparison, this dress is just…Boring. Very, very boring. You can’t have that! You consult the internet and realize there is only one thing that will make this ordeal better. A bustier. A sparkly bustier. (Protip: aliens are terrified of sequins)
Oh, yes. We’re on the right track. But Shannon, you may be thinking, we need sleeves! Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
Just wrap that around your arms, secure it with tape, and you’re good to go. Now, it seems like we might be…missing something. We’re so close, but…something isn’t clicking yet. It’s like we’re too secure in our femininity. WAIT, THAT’S IT!
We can solve this.
Carefully adjust your wonderful new body of hair, preen a bit in the mirror to make sure the tendrils won’t catch in your tinsel or sequins, finish you’re makeup and you’re good to go!
Total price to look like Ke$ha mated with ET and did the walk of shame the morning after? $77.04. Now that’s fashion on a budget!