Have you ever wanted to be a Jedi? Sorry, stupid question. Here’s a bit of technology that will get you closer to achieving your dreams, because wishing on stars and blowing out candles sure as hell ain’t doin’ it. Scarlet Johansson is putting her acting on hiatus to pursue a singing career and is compiling … Continue reading »
Category Archives: sports
The New NCAA Adidas Uniforms Are Bad and Adidas Should Feel Bad
The new NCAA uniforms would make even the unsportiest of fashionistas and ‘stos alike cringe in utter horror, one glimpse of the atrocities would make even the sturdiest souls shrink back into their mortal coils. Adidas (not to be confused with that Korn song, A.D.I.D.A.S.—though I’m sure it’s perfectly relevant to the mentality of basketball … Continue reading »
The More You Know: Fashion Racism, Conspicuous Consuption, and the New Relevance of Dennis Rodman
Never fear fashionophiles, I’m working on a small recap of Paris Fashion Week for later in the week. For that entry, I’m scoping out the latest shows, yet I’m distracted. The whitewashing and racism of high fashion has come back into the conversation after a completely and utterly tasteless editorial was published by French powerhouse … Continue reading »
College Football’s Remaining Storylines
Seasonal Affective Disorder, in my humble opinion, is bullshit. At the very least, it’s not a specific enough term. We all know the real reason people during this time of year seem like they’re participating in an unspoken-yet-ubiquitous Droopy Dog imitation contest is because the college football regular season is coming to an end. And … Continue reading »
The Foolish Names of NBA Teams
Growing up with a height that the doctors scientifically labeled “freakish and abnormal,” I was strong-armed into playing basketball. Being far from athletically gifted (or even marginally coordinated), my career wasn’t exactly replete with highlights. Yet even though my playing years have come and gone, and because the low self-esteem I suffered from due to … Continue reading »
Soccer versus Golf: A Debate Easily Won
Not too long ago, I had a bit of a lapse in inspiration for what to write. I sat around and started imaginary conversations with myself. Should I write about how I hardly have any socks and the ones I do own have holes? My inability to find socks when I need them? Why I … Continue reading »
Golf versus Soccer: A Debate Worth Having
As the American legend Hank Hill once said, “Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.” Now, I’m not sure if those exact words are historically accurate, but, since they can’t be disproven, I’m going to assume they’re true. No matter your appreciation of passing or your … Continue reading »
Civil War Preview: Autzen vs Reser
Much like opera and big-game safari hunting, football is meant to be experienced live and in person. It’s scientifically impossible to fully immerse yourself in the event from the comfort of your crumb-filled, mildewed sofa. There aren’t many opportunities in life where it is permissible to publicly scream obscenities and hug random strangers, so it … Continue reading »
Civil War Preview: Bars. Bars? Bars!
There are two categories of bars. The first is bars that I don’t like: prison bars, bar codes, barbers, El De Barge, and Barbarossa rum. The second category is (plot twist!) bars that I do like: rap bars, chocolate bars, Babar the Elephant, Bar Rafaeli, and, above all, bars where you get drunk (but not … Continue reading »
Civil War Preview: Whose Jersey Would an Early-2000s Rapper Want?
Oh come on, did you really think the Ducks were going to lose this category? Let’s look at what Oregon State has to offer. Orange gives you the appearance of a giant anthropomorphic pumpkin, which may be useful if you’re into some sort of squash-themed performance art but doesn’t exactly scream, “I’m a hustla, homie.” … Continue reading »
