Hello, I am Nuria, Shannon’s friend, and I will tell you about how not to be a creep. This list is directed mostly at those who do the creeping but it might also become a fun read.
I may not have had years of experience in the dating game, but it does not take long for you to realize that the nice guy to creep ratio is overwhelmingly unbalanced. I started “dating” in high school, but lets face it high school dating, with all its drama, does not compare to the event that occur when one is dating in the real world. For starters, high school is a controlled environment, you have a pretty good notion of who everyone is, what they do, and the time you are allowed to spend with that person is rather limited by “the man.” In the real world people go to dating sites and bars to find someone they would not mind having anything between a cup of coffee to a complete meal with. Where is it that we run into a problem?
Answer: when people overstep their boundaries and do not get the hints.
Being a girl I only have a female angle in the dating scene, it is not pretty out there for pretty girls. I live in Portland, and the only men with the guts to approach a pretty girl are those whom the pretty girls want to stay away from, or at least it sure seems that way. While many of us ask “why me?”, we should focus on why are these men so bad at getting the signals. Based on personal experience, I can only offer some advice.
- It is not ok to continue to pursue a girl who says that she is taken and has a significant other. Whether she is lying or no,t the fact remains that she is doing it, so she’s not interested and you stay the hell away from her.
- It is not ok to hold on to her hand when she is clearly trying to pull it away. Just give up dude. The battle is lost.
- It is not ok to move on to her friends, they have all seen you in action and it’s like you are walking into a wall.
- So, say you have received the magical number, kudos to you, you did something right! However, if you text her and she does not respond to the first two text within a day, she will never respond. She is ignoring you and there is a fraction of a percentage of chance that she remembers last night, likes you, but is in a coma or otherwise unable to text you back. The ignoring of the phone is an adaptation of the cold shoulder, she might remember you, but she wishes she had never give you her number, just stop and move on with your life. Have some pride, man.
- It is not ok to wear a girl down, even if it works both you and her will be miserable. Also, come on you are spending all of your energy on one girl, who most likely wants to stab you with a blunt object repeatedly. You could find a girl who may actually be able to reciprocate.
- Ok, let’s say she actually talks to you, do not assume she is willing to have sex with you. If she at all does not respond to you at any point during a conversation or for days, you are either friend-zoned or she does not want to get anywhere near you. Chances are that you have probably said “Hey!” way too many times, either via texts or messaging site. Again, if you have sent two “hey!” messages in the span of eight hours and she hasn’t responded, cut your losses, dude.
- Alternate situation, you’re talking and thinking that you’re getting somewhere–hey, you might be. If you go from “hey!” to “let’s go on an extended roadtrip to another state!” chances are that you’ll creep her out. Don’t do this. Be normal. Ask her out to coffee or something.
- Don’t be nice to her just so you can get booty. If you actually want a relationship, don’t be a shitty person. Being nice is not about inserting niceness coins until she gives you sex, because that’s not nice at all.
- It is also not ever acceptable to also start talking about a girl’s body or body parts. At no moment during the conversation should you mention the words “can you send me a picture of (insert female body part here)?” I repeat. NEVER.
- Unless the conversation involves sex already, you should not mention it, she will not want to hear about you getting aroused or otherwise masturbating to her profile picture. Keep that to yourself, and maybe you might get to that conversation topic. Key word Maybe.
- A difference that I have notice is that the word “hanging out” does not always mean the same thing. To a normal gal such as myself, hanging out means walking around, talking maybe watch a movie, it does not mean sex or anything that involves sex. This is something you might want to define at the start of a relationship if there’s any question.
- I would like to point out that as women we must be aware of stranger danger, so if you invite us to a secluded place too soon or if you say anything that may trigger the fight or flight response, the girl will flee and you will never see her again unless you want a restraining order.
- The one thing you must remember is that in most cases a girl will let you know she is not interested in a relationship, or seeing you in any form. Look for words and phrases like “no”, “I don’t think so”, “not in this lifetime,” “I really view you as a good friend,” and “never.”
This may seem like a long list, but as experience has taught me and several of my friends, all of these are real. Moral of the story is that if you act like a normal guy, you will be rewarded.
Like Shanbanana said in How to Hit on a Girl and Not be a Douchebag, use respect, be a decent human being, and you’ll be a-ok.
Shanbanana here, Nuria is great and everyone should check out her blog. Sure, she only has one post (this one) as of now, but she’s still fabulous.